Not the mama

It really irks me when I am trying to get my toddler to do something (or stop doing something which is usually the case) and other adults have to chime in. You are not helping. I may make mistakes sometimes because I am, after all, only human, but I am fully capable of raising these tiny humans that I have given birth to. Please let me be. I do not need you to tell my child “listen to your mother” or to repeat the exact command that I have just said. I need you to keep quiet and let me be mama. You repeating what I just said thinking that it’s going to suddenly make her listen actually seems to confuse my child, making it more difficult. You are not the mama. Please keep quiet and let me parent.

Patience is a virtue

patience is a virtue and it is one that I don’t have. Only a couple months may seem just a short time to most people but to me it seems like forever. In the grand scheme of things to only have a couple months left is nothing when we started at 15months. All the planning and agonizing is down to just a couple months. We still aren’t financially ready. I don’t know if we ever will be. I just know that I’m at my wits end and can’t keep this up much longer.

Teardrops on my pump bag

I’m sitting here at work crying as I pump. This job is breaking me. To think just a year ago, I loved working here. So much has changed since then. I always swore that I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now, I would kill for it. It’s not just that I want to spend my days with my beautiful girls, it’s the corporate bull that I have to deal with on a daily basis. It’s the group text messages that blow up my phone after I’ve left for the day and on my day off. It’s the fact that an associate with no management experience got promoted into the position that upper management has been talking about getting me into for over a year while I was out on maternity leave. It’s the constant notes for me to do things that other people should have done. It’s the schedule changes that keep happening when other than my days off, my hours are supposed to be set. It’s the fact that in 2 months I will hit 10 years with this company and I have nothing to show for it other than both physical and emotional scars. It’s everything. The sad thing is that I’m not the only one around here that sees all the issues, But I am helpless until my hubby and I figure out how to make our finances work so that I don’t have to deal with it anymore. So, here I sit, crying over my pump bag, trying to figure out how I’m supposed to get everything done today and still have energy when I get off to enjoy the afternoon with my beautiful girls. 

#momlife #workingmom